We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
