I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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