The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
