you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
