You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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