Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
