I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And then he peed in my hair
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