I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
