New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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