If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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