you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
