This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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