apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
