So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
