what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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