This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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