whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
