So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
