dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
