ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
