we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
