just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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