the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
