I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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