i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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