I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
