I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
