You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
