I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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