just come out here and I will go home with you...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize