I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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