This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
