She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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