So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
