Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They have beer where we have blood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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