I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
