hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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