I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
