Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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