Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
