Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
