Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
