smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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