Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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