after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to calm my uterus...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
