Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
