And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
