It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
