My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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