I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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