Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
