And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
