Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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