you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
