There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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