..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish i was in the wii world.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
