You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
