well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
whose parrot is this?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
