I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize