Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You took a bar mat shot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
