She said her name was "party"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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