I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
