Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
