so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
