i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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