you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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