96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
