so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
